If You're Gonna Be A Bear...

  Let me finish the story of Buster. He was actually very smart. He just looked dumb. And there was a period of time when he had what the vet called micro-fissures on his balloon knot. That’s vet-speak for an itchy butt. What does a dog do with a sensitive itch?  They lick it. Buster was constantly licking his anus. He was lanky enough to get his mouth right up on that corn hole and gently lick it like it was a newborn baby bird who’d lost its momma.  One day Buster was ever so gingerly licking his bottom when suddenly he farted!  I believe the old boy caught the entire payload in his mouth. I just happened to be watching so I could marvel at his determination, agility, and shamelessness. He looked like a big dumbass snake eating itself.  But it was the sound that did me in. I don’t know what experience you have with farting into things but it was reminiscent of when my step brother and I used to fart in a cup and hold it over my step sisters nose. A close analo...

 I once saw my Labrador fart into his own mouth.  Buster, probably 8 years old at the time.  A huge derpy goofball of a dog.  He was supposedly bread for hunting but the only thing the dog ever hunted was chicken nuggets and the dirty dishes in the sink.  This all happened years before we left to become nomads. Derp derp This picture is classic Buster.  Hope that defies reason.  Literally.  So full of hope the dog was devoid of all reason.  And he had a partner in crime.  Beezus.   I am too allowed on the table! Pure evil, this one.  Truly an arch-criminal.  If she weren't so cute, she'd be a hat by now.  I've reminded her of that many times.  She doesn't believe me.   Beezus guarding the house. Odd name, Beezus.  It comes from a children's book "Ramona and Beezus".  Because we had a dog named Ramona who we bought after Buster but before Beezus.  My wife named them.  I renamed t...